While CTQ should be writing five to seven pages on the “Declaration of Independence,” we decided, in the spirit of democracy to see (and mercilessly judge!) our national principles in action.

IT’S OFF TO THE RACES as the three major SA president-vice president tickets make power plays at the Students’ Association Convention, then prepared to spar at the debate. It might be 5 p.m., but it feels like our shadows have amscrayed.

THE CANDIDATES:

The Green Go-Getters: Junior Sylvia Guerra and sophomore J.J. Gonzalez

The A-Team: Juniors Eric Weissmann and Brittany Crowley

The Smiley Sham: Juniors Andrew Richardson and Katherine Tucker

THE FORMAT:
1. Questions for Presidential Candidates
2. Questions for Vice-Presidential Candidates
3. Individualized Questions
4. Audience Questions
5. Cross-Examination
6. Closing Statements

BUT FIRST: Nothing brings out CTQ’s school spirit like singing “The Genesee.” Very nice surprise, President Socash.

42.5 MINUTES are set on the CTQ clock, but will the debate deliver in due time? On your marks!

PLATFORMS are for being taller or for hanging criminals. They’re also what we call campaign promises. That’s like a black fly in your Chardonnay — Alanis, yo!

DEEP IMPACT: You know who was a great president? Morgan Freeman. But Richardson also runs the Community Service Network, Guerra runs “Messenger Magazine” and Weissmann co-runs the Projects and Services Committee. Leadership!

SPOT THE SUBTLE DIFFERENCES: “VP candidates: How will you influence the SA while filling a generally undefined role?”

Gonzalez: Advocate for students, support Guerra.
Crowley: Program coordinator, support Weissmann.
Tucker: Work on projects, support Richardson.

APATHY IS RAMPANT: WHAT WILL YOU DO?

Weissmann: Monthly SA activity e-mails and Fireside Chats. Students will be informed if it kills them!
Richardson: Give funding to all SA groups, offer free food to non-senators at Senate meetings and move Senate meetings to Douglass Dining Center. Burritos for all!
Guerra: Improve the Hive, hold office hours in Starbucks and pair Senators with certain groups. Estima for the win!

TROUBLE WITH A CAPITAL ‘T’ AND THAT RHYMES WITH ‘P’ AND THAT STANDS FOR ‘POOL’: A monorail on campus? If Richardson-Tucker has its way, we’ll be zooming across the Academic Quad in a heartbeat. Meanwhile, on Earth… Weissmann says Facilities isn’t pulling its weight. CTQ analysis: To be fair, a lot of that could be solved with Atkins. Zing!

Richardson would rather pay for guard dogs than hot dogs — CTQ suggests a compromise: let’s get dachshunds!

Guerra could get behind water electrolysis. CTQ recommends Gatorade as a good substitute for Genesee water. Mmm, science!

TYLER SOCASH, WAS THAT SASS?

Time’s well over, and in an effort to get out within a reasonable hour, Socash eliminated audience question time and skipped straight to final statements. Richardson asked if he could take questions instead.

Socash: “You can answer the questions you think you’d get if we did take them. But either way you have four minutes.”

SNAP! (Note: we didn’t have our tape recorder, but after extensive asking around, it was generally agreed that Socash served it up.)

FINAL JUDGMENT:

Guerra-Gonzalez: Stumbling at times, but generally forceful. (Grade: B)
Richardson-Tucker: We still don’t believe it, and they clearly didn’t either. (Grade: C-)
Weissmann-Crowley: Calm, fiery and well spoken. (Grade: A-)

WHETHER YOU GET IT OR NOT, the SA matters. Vote, vote smart and vote Monday. Meliora.
Adjourned!