Five raps. We’re back.

Speaker of the Senate Kierstin Hughes was without the gavel, so she began the new school year and senate session using a Magic 8 Ball. We intended to have a joke that ended with ALL SIGNS POINT TO NO, but you can come up with it yourself.

Blue plastic seats replaced the more comfortable green-cushioned ones, if only for a week. CHAIRIFFYING!

Open Forum kicks off and it’s all Greek to CTQ, which enjoyed some rumormongering. From what we understand, last weekend Assistant Dean of Students Morgan Levy rode into the Fraternity Quad on a wild boar, kicked a Sigma Chi brother through a window, shot an Alpha Delt with a .44, strode off campus to burn Chi Phi to the ground and finished by calling a meeting of Fraternity Presidents’ Council members to tell them to behave. BACCHAGNARLY, BRAH!

Everyone made it to the meeting, although Senator Dennis Nave left his voice elsewhere. WILL THAT SLOW THE GUY DOWN? (NO)

SA Treasurer Andrew Flack (wish him happy birthday) announced that a Take Five Scholar gal will be an accountant. FLACK ATTACK!

Senator Bradley Halpern estimates the new Campus Club Connection will be online a month from now. INTERWEBS!

People continued to say things, but like “99.9 percent of germs,” those items were completely wiped away by Purell. Due to H1N1 and a little idealism, UR will install Purell dispensers around dining locales. However, Deputy Speaker Dan Cohn states this is bad thinking, as Purell does not make hands sanitary enough to use while eating food. A quick online search revealed this is true. MULTI-TASKING!

Dining Services. That wasn’t a complete sentence, yet it says so much. First, CTQ wants — needs — the return of the turkey club sandwich to the Meliora. COMMON DECENCY DEMANDS IT!

Also, these revelations were made during the dining discussion:
1. Senator Lauren Sussman is against the Mel Burger (because you can get burgers elsewhere). Blasphemy.
2. Students need signs to understand where fountain drink lids are located. Really? Students will wander a mile off campus to find booze, but can’t wander the 20 steps from the fountain to the lids? Really? Students at UR, with an acceptance rate below 40 percent, can’t find the giant pile of lids? Really. (CTQ would officially like to thank Seth Meyers for his visit to campus.)
3. There’s a Pandemic Committee, created around H1N1 but dedicated to preparing UR for outbreaks of anything. Personally, CTQ is waiting for SARS to come back. Remember SARS? Good times.
4. Senator Sylvia Guerra suggested Dining Services change the day of the week that the Mel holds its monthly dinner on, so that every student can experience one (it’s currently planned for Wednesdays). Senators J.J. Gonzalez and Jon Junig agreed. (SO DO WE.)

The Senate also considered how they should prioritize getting omelets back to Hillside. Many claimed it should be a top priority, in what was clearly a referendum on Danforth Dining Center’s omelet operation. We also learned that at least three senators have friends who like to complain because, c’mon, let’s-be-realistic-about-who-these-constituents-are. Quesadillas got no love at all, unfortunately.

Also, did we mistakenly hear Senator Scott Strenger say Danforth no longer serves hot breakfast? We must have. Because if he did say that, he would be so unfortunately misinformed that it would make Director of Dining and Auxiliary Services Cam Schauf shed a few tears. Danforth does serve hot breakfast, as does the Pit. Hillside no longer does.

CTQ likes Paninis, for the record. And again, turkey clubs.

Most new business involved elections to fill vacancies. Guerra and Strenger, both vying for two openings on Steering Committee (think about it) were nevertheless turned down until the competitive pool grew wider from freshman elections.

SAAC elections, though, were competitive, with Senators Junig, Nave, Sussman, Ryan Mills, April Hu, Sneha Rath and Kristian Brooks competing for three positions. After a long executive session, CTQ can congratulate Brooks, Junig and Rath.

Cohn is the Sustainable [Senator] of the Week. GO HUG AN OAK, HIPPIE! (kidding…)

Quote of the Night: Junig: “Why is there clapping? We snap here.”

There’s a Fill Fauver today (volleyball!). Ask Vice President Brittany Crowley if you want some body paint.

To the new speaker, well done. New senators: ditto. CTQ will strive to be fair to all of you, and to the Weissmann-Crowley team as well.

ADJOURNED!