Every sign pointed to a shorter meeting, with no major challenges in sight at first. But just like in Juan Martín del Potro’s beautiful upset of Roger Federer at the U.S. Open final, tonight’s senate meeting will prove full of surprises. GRAND SLAM!

If you don’t know what the Standing Committee on Alcohol Policy and Education (SCAPE) is, you’re far behind. Tonight’s meeting revolved around it. Essentially, it’s a committee of a bunch of health specialists and the Dean of Students Office, and a few students, who update alcohol policy each year. Assistant Dean Morgan Levy has been carrying out the new policy (actually, SCAPE’s policy, which would make her the SCAPEgoat, we suppose), which includes limits to the number of parties thrown by UR students, among other things.

Some senators’ comments on the topic were less thought out than others:

Sen. Ryan Mills: “Why is there an athlete on the committee?” (This one might be addressed to one of the over 550 organized athletes — we counted — that comprise roughly 12 percent of the student body population, and who also, possibly, maybe, have lives that don’t involve the Frat Quad.) SNAP JUDGMENT!

What we’re taking away from this session is that policies aside, the Dean of Students Office really did a poor job informing students, gathering student feedback and getting both student government and the always testy Greeks involved, which just seems like magnificently horrible foresight — has SCAPE any understanding of college students? It seems this committee appears to be operating at roughly the same level of efficiency as FEMA circa August 2005. HECKUVA JOB!

In happier communications news, there will be a new blog on the new Hive Web site, and Senator Harry Brookstein took the group on a whirlwind tour of how to post, and add awesome links. Also, senators learned that they couldn’t change their positions after they’re initially entered:

Speaker Kierstin Hughes: “That way you can’t put your position as SA Clown Representative.”
Sen. Jon Junig: “Well, you can the first time…”

Remember, absolute power corrupts absolutely.

Feel the wrath of Purell, lowly fools! According to Senator Bradley Halpern, the Center for Disease Control and Prevention trusts Purell to combat disease and viruses, even if some don’t trust it around food. RETROACTIVE TRUTH-SLAP!

The Senate created a permanent position in the Executive Cabinet for a Sustainability Coordinator, which will eventually be Megan Dewitt. We’ll pretend there wasn’t an inordinate amount of discussion about this. BUT THERE WAS!

Speaking of painful discussion, the Senate moved to elect a member to SCAPE. To make your lives easier, we summarized who ran and what they said:

1. Sen. Dennis Nave: Delta Upsilon housing manager with SO MUCH EXPERIENCE IT WOULD MAKE JOHN McCAIN WEEP LIKE A LITTLE GIRL!
2. Hughes: Non-Greek Speaker with great knowledge of the Quad, already representing Senate with SO MUCH FORCE THAT SIR ISAAC NEWTON WOULD HAVE TO RE-DISCOVER PHYSICS!
3. Sen. Lauren Sussman: Non-Greek dancer with SO MUCH CONSTITUTIONAL KNOWLEDGE THAT THE SUPREME COURT WOULD DISBAND AND APPOINT HER!
4. Mills: Alpha Delt brother and Order of Omega member with SO MUCH TENACITY THAT HE IS THE REAL TOUGH-ACTIN’ TENACTIN!
5. Sen. Casey Slone: Alpha Delt brother with SO MUCH POLICY KNOWLEDGE THAT A U.S. SENATOR’S AIDE WOULD JUMP IN THE POTOMAC FROM SHAME!

After executive session, the senate selected Mills. We’ll see how that goes.

Remember when everyone was mad about omelets? That was last week.

It’s 2:27 a.m. and CTQ is clearly the loyal dog: Here until the end, even if the tail isn’t always wagging, because we care. And our affection is bought with food. Especially steak.

ADJOURNED!